I hate it here!
I hate living here! I HATE THIS FUCKING PLACE! I want to move... i want to get away from my parents... they do nothing for me they are just there to piss me off and put me down!
So what if I've been skipping Mr. Beilickies class 3 days this week! I've finished his fucking final, what more does he want from me!? I have to read my god damned book that is due next friday FOR MY FUCKING FINAL! What the hell!? IF I WANT TO GRADUATE I HAVE TO FINISH THE BOOK! I've got 200 pages left to read, and I doubt it'll happen! I've taken so much time out to read and shit so i can get done with school... Mr. Beilickie Called home today notifying my parents that I hadnt been in his class for three days... I HAD A GOOD EXCUSE! and I fished the final! Why should I have to go? so i can sit there in the dark poking around on the damn computer?
Because he called home my parents were screaming at me when I walked in the door today... my internet is getting shut off... they cant fucking do that! I have to keep in touch with the college, which i heard back from today. I have english essays I need sources for! There's NO FUCKING POINT in them shutting it off, there is only 7 days of school left! It's BULLSHIT! I hate my fucking parents! Anything that happens it's my fault! It's my fault for the dishes not being done, its my fault that someone missed a phone call, its my fault that I am who i am! I cant take this bullshit... i cant stand it... i need out! I feel like i really dont belong here.... it's not my place... i cant be around my parents... i cant do anything... i cant.
Why the hell did they keep having kids after Adam died?! They must have known that somewhere down the line they'd end up with more than they wanted... did I really make thier lives a living hell???? I shouldnt be here... they didnt want me.... and this makes me feel like complete shit. To know that im not wanted in this world!
As mom was yelling at me today when I got home, I began to yell back. I said everything that I needed to say to her, and if she didnt like it then she could tell me to leave right then and there. She could have told me to get the hell out of her house... and I'd have done it. I will do anything at this point to get a life that is my own. Mom said today that since I am her child she has complete control over me, over what I do and what I say... and that I cant do shit about it. She was like I AM THE BOSS OF YOU YOU DO WHAT I SAY! She tells me that im trying to pin everything on her but she doesnt see how much like scum on the bottom of her shoe i feel! All because of the things she says to me and does... i cant take it anymore... i really cant. I am going insane here... i cant do this... .
WHY IS MY LIFE SO SHITTY! WHY CANT ANYTHING GO RIGHT FOR ME!
I feel like i have to throw up... God I just wanna get the hell out of here right now... I am not alright... I am not going to be alright... not as long as i am here...
So what if I've been skipping Mr. Beilickies class 3 days this week! I've finished his fucking final, what more does he want from me!? I have to read my god damned book that is due next friday FOR MY FUCKING FINAL! What the hell!? IF I WANT TO GRADUATE I HAVE TO FINISH THE BOOK! I've got 200 pages left to read, and I doubt it'll happen! I've taken so much time out to read and shit so i can get done with school... Mr. Beilickie Called home today notifying my parents that I hadnt been in his class for three days... I HAD A GOOD EXCUSE! and I fished the final! Why should I have to go? so i can sit there in the dark poking around on the damn computer?
Because he called home my parents were screaming at me when I walked in the door today... my internet is getting shut off... they cant fucking do that! I have to keep in touch with the college, which i heard back from today. I have english essays I need sources for! There's NO FUCKING POINT in them shutting it off, there is only 7 days of school left! It's BULLSHIT! I hate my fucking parents! Anything that happens it's my fault! It's my fault for the dishes not being done, its my fault that someone missed a phone call, its my fault that I am who i am! I cant take this bullshit... i cant stand it... i need out! I feel like i really dont belong here.... it's not my place... i cant be around my parents... i cant do anything... i cant.
Why the hell did they keep having kids after Adam died?! They must have known that somewhere down the line they'd end up with more than they wanted... did I really make thier lives a living hell???? I shouldnt be here... they didnt want me.... and this makes me feel like complete shit. To know that im not wanted in this world!
As mom was yelling at me today when I got home, I began to yell back. I said everything that I needed to say to her, and if she didnt like it then she could tell me to leave right then and there. She could have told me to get the hell out of her house... and I'd have done it. I will do anything at this point to get a life that is my own. Mom said today that since I am her child she has complete control over me, over what I do and what I say... and that I cant do shit about it. She was like I AM THE BOSS OF YOU YOU DO WHAT I SAY! She tells me that im trying to pin everything on her but she doesnt see how much like scum on the bottom of her shoe i feel! All because of the things she says to me and does... i cant take it anymore... i really cant. I am going insane here... i cant do this... .
WHY IS MY LIFE SO SHITTY! WHY CANT ANYTHING GO RIGHT FOR ME!
I feel like i have to throw up... God I just wanna get the hell out of here right now... I am not alright... I am not going to be alright... not as long as i am here...
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