Hell.
If there there was any way to describe what hell is, I'd say hell is right here, where I am right now. I dont know how much more of this life I can take. It feels like an unbarable amount of pain, disappointments... the little happy things that happen in my life dont even come close to matching all the things that upset me. I just want to know why I am here on earth if all im here for is to be miserable. Thats all I am anymore, miserable. I am getting so sick of it too. It's like, what is there in this world? I cant be happy, I cant live my own life... what is there?
A friend of mine, or what I thought was a friend, moved back to Florida. It's Craig. I IM'd him today and I asked if he'd left. He said yes. I said, you didnt even say goodbye. He was like, to who? and I said to me. He said, Oh, why should I have? Your my brother's friend. I said, well I thought I was your friend too, but I guess I thought wrong. He said, guess so. That was hard for me. I guess life really shows you who your true friends are. I really thought he and I were friends. We had a few jokes. We talked a bit. I was convinced. Guess it's different for other people.
On the way home from the store my mom put all the blame on me, for everything in my life that isnt going like it should. Mom said I was extremely immiture and that I'll never get anywhere in life but into the bed's of other guys. She said I was a tease and that I'll end up getting raped, the only thing I've got going for me in my life. I cant believe her!
I'm not allowed to see any of my friends before I leave for Rochester either. Mom and Dad both said that I am still grounded until my graduation... thats in 8 days. I leave in 9 days. I want to see my friends, all of them, they all cant go to Rochester to see me... and I cant be out here to see them. It's going to be so hard on me. I have a feeling that if I want to see anyone, I have to sneak out or just go do as I please regardless of what my parents say. That's going to be hard for me too. I dont like to disappoint people... and I am just getting tired of it all.
I just want all this shit in my life to stop. It's not fair... it really isnt. I'm beginning to think that nothing in this life is worth it anymore. I know that that's not the way to see things, but it's really looking that way. All I ever do anymore is sit in my room when i'm home, I dont do anything, just sit there on my computer and talk to what friends I can talk to online. By doing that, that's the happiest I can be... I hate just sitting here bored to death, doing the same thing each and every day. I hate feeling so depressed all the time. I hate crying all the time, I hate it all! I just want to be happy. How much is that to ask for?
If God is real... why is he doing this to me? Why does he make my life a living hell? I dont understand! I really want him to answer that.... give me a sign or something. This life is bullshit. I'm ready to just end it.
A friend of mine, or what I thought was a friend, moved back to Florida. It's Craig. I IM'd him today and I asked if he'd left. He said yes. I said, you didnt even say goodbye. He was like, to who? and I said to me. He said, Oh, why should I have? Your my brother's friend. I said, well I thought I was your friend too, but I guess I thought wrong. He said, guess so. That was hard for me. I guess life really shows you who your true friends are. I really thought he and I were friends. We had a few jokes. We talked a bit. I was convinced. Guess it's different for other people.
On the way home from the store my mom put all the blame on me, for everything in my life that isnt going like it should. Mom said I was extremely immiture and that I'll never get anywhere in life but into the bed's of other guys. She said I was a tease and that I'll end up getting raped, the only thing I've got going for me in my life. I cant believe her!
I'm not allowed to see any of my friends before I leave for Rochester either. Mom and Dad both said that I am still grounded until my graduation... thats in 8 days. I leave in 9 days. I want to see my friends, all of them, they all cant go to Rochester to see me... and I cant be out here to see them. It's going to be so hard on me. I have a feeling that if I want to see anyone, I have to sneak out or just go do as I please regardless of what my parents say. That's going to be hard for me too. I dont like to disappoint people... and I am just getting tired of it all.
I just want all this shit in my life to stop. It's not fair... it really isnt. I'm beginning to think that nothing in this life is worth it anymore. I know that that's not the way to see things, but it's really looking that way. All I ever do anymore is sit in my room when i'm home, I dont do anything, just sit there on my computer and talk to what friends I can talk to online. By doing that, that's the happiest I can be... I hate just sitting here bored to death, doing the same thing each and every day. I hate feeling so depressed all the time. I hate crying all the time, I hate it all! I just want to be happy. How much is that to ask for?
If God is real... why is he doing this to me? Why does he make my life a living hell? I dont understand! I really want him to answer that.... give me a sign or something. This life is bullshit. I'm ready to just end it.
Leave a Comment
lonelygrl on
|
Thanks Des.. My life is really shit here... I cant wait to leave... P.s. that quote made me laugh a little. Thanks. |
HomiSide187 on
|
AWWW Baby Dont get down it will be ok i'm here 4 u in everyway i can be I LOVE U W/ ALL MY HEART N I WANT U 2 KNOW THAT
LOVE ALWAY'S Ur man BRIAN |
