I keep forgetting about B4M now that Im going out and doing shit.


So an update:

I still hate it out here and wanna move back home.

I applied to Barnes & Noble Booksellers or someshits like that, part time after I get out of my fulltime work at Tim Hortons.




I got the corsette I wanted from Hot Topic Finally... and on discount since I filled up my frequent buyers card.

My friends rock.

I'm in a really depressed mood right now...


I want to go back home. I hate it out here... shit keeps happening, and I can't help but just wanna give up this dumbass fucking life I started here. This is by far the worse mistake i ever made... moving to Rochester.

I wanna go back home, I miss my friends, I miss my family... I miss my life.

Wanna know what my life is now? Work. Home. Mall.

I don't have true friends out here, they're all back home. All my most favorite memories were of back there. School's over for me, I realize that, and I have to work now. But it's not the same. I'm not comfortable out here...


Just last night the fucking section down the street with the laundromat, pizza parlor, and hair cutting place, was set on fucking fire! This place is shit! It's that way because people make it that way, there's nothing better to do in Rochester than to start fires and kill people.

Life? yeah... this is no life. This isn't the place to live a life. I want to go back.

It's been about 2 weeks since my last blog entry.


I got my lip pierced, and I feel starved. It was hard the first week with trying to eat and not get the lip ring dirty, but i've done it. I could care less right now about keeping food away from it, not as long as I clean it after every meal and stuff...

My god you shoulda seen me try to eat a hamburger from BK the other day, they stuck sooo much mayo on it it wasnt even funny.... i took some big bites of that sucker, it was as though the lip ring didnt exist.


There's a song been stuck in my head a bit... by the 69 Boys - Tootsie Roll

haha.

Dip baby Dip...
Dip baby Dip...





w00t
w00t
Do the roll....


hahahahahahaha im a wacky wierdo



TOOTSIE ROLL! bizzach.

Today's another one of those days, I just feel like running away from everything. Lose all my cares and things that bother me, just leave them behind and start a new life.

I feel like I have nobody to talk to anymore. I keep to myself because If I don't, I'm going to have issues with other people. Every time I turn around, something goes wrong. When will it stop? Soon I hope, because right at the moment I feel like I don't do anything right. Ever. The worse feeling other than the "Why is this happening?" feeling going on right now, is the whole entire alone feeling.

What problems am I having this time? Same as before, My sister & her husband, basic family stuff, and a new one added on... a guy.

Shit happens and you just have to move on right? What if I'm sick and tired of just moving on? I wanna quit. Everything, because it's not worth it to me anymore.

Not at all.

I got into a fight with my sister tonight. We both broke down real bad. Pretty much we've been complete bitches to each other for a while, both noticing our anger towards one another, and we both talked about everything thats been bugging us. She tries too hard to make me happy, and that bothers me. No matter what anyone does right now at this point, will make me happy, and I tried to explain that to her through my view, but it just doesn't work. I didn't say much to her that she understood, I tried to get all my feelings out so she understood but it didn't work. My feelings are better left inside me anyway I think. Or best for a diary.

She's upset because I was doing stuff in the house, cleaning and everything, and after we all got into a fight because of Rent, I quit doing anything... and now that I have a full-time job, I get home in the afternoon and check mail, catch up with friends, get my laundry done, and go hang out with Debbie. It's like, they cant do anything when they get home because they both work as well, so why should I have to do everything? And that's how I felt too when I was cleaning for them... I felt like I was the one doing all the work. I didn't like it. So when I started slacking a bit, Gary started picking up on some of the work. I figured that was okay, and so yeah. I can understand now that I'm not doing anything at all in their house, that they'd be a bit upset, since I'm not even paying them rent. So I can do something around here, and I plan to now that we've talked a bit more.

My sister has so many problems right now, she's dealing with emotions inside her and shit, and I knew that before she told me, and I know that there's absolutely nothing that I can do about it. But when she keeps it all inside her, she doesn't even have a diary, she lashes out at me and Gary, which is unfair. I told her that when I did try to talk to her, she'd criticize me and just hurt my feelings. 'Cause that's what our fighting turned into, was that I never talk to her or Gary anymore. So that's what I told her, and she got even more upset, and It's like, she wants the truth from me doesn't she? So there it is. She criticized the hell out of me soooo much, and I'm supposed to just tolerate it, no matter if my feelings were hurt? She says so much to me and I don't like to disappoint people, but I know that If I told her half the shit that I've done, that she'd be so disappointed in me that I dunno what she'd do.

She looks down on anyone who has had a child or has been pregnant at or before 16 years old, and i have few friends that actually have had that happen to them. It's like, it's not because they're bad people, or anything like that, They've experienced things and they realize now what they've done, they either regret it or they deal with it. Just because a girl has a child at 16 years old doesn't mean she's a whore. And that's basically all my sister has to say about girls like that. They're whores. I don't agree.

She claims that girls who've slept with more than one guy are dumb and also a whore. She'd be very happy to see how many I've been with... my number is 6 but I've learned lessons from every time. I'm more careful now, and I can see that. It's like, I wont tell her half the shit I've done because she'd be pissed at me, and disappointed... and I don't wanna know what she'd think of me when she found out. Only close friends and whoever reads this knows how many men i've been with. I'm not keeping it a secret from everyone, just quiet from who I'm related to.

I'm so frustrated... She thinks im unhappy with every single thing she does, and it's not that im unhappy with what she's doing, I really appreciate a lot of things she does for me, and gary too, but im just unhappy at where I am in life and dont know what to do about it just yet. I'm in the process of figuring it out, getting my life to the way I want... but It's gonna take me some time. I cant snap my fingers and have my whole life put up on a board for me to sort out and arrange. It cant happen like that. I just wanna take it one day at a time.

Trying to tell her that is like talking to a wall, it's just one big blank.

There was a guy at the bowling alley, and for the past few weeks we been eying each other from across the alley. Little by little we kinda... signal that we noticed each other... if you know what I'm saying. I've never been like that with anyone, like... that shy... 'cause we'd just glance at each other a bit the whole few hours we're there, and it's kinda funny. But this week I was debating on weather or not to make a move, and I had written my cell phone number on a napkin and was thinking about giving it to him, how to do it, you know, like what techniques to use and stuff. Kinda childish really. But... im just really... nervous about it. SO I went to use the bathroom and my sister noticed the napkin laying under my purse. She took it and handed it to Gary's mom, she went and gave it to him. I got back and was searching for it like there was five minutes left in the world. Noticed him looking at me... saw him put it in his wallet... and I turned SO RED! I don't think I've ever been so embarassed in my entire life. So now im just waiting to see if he's interested and will call. Some reason though, I don't think he's going to.

I have been dying for some sleep lately. But I've been dying to get out of the house even more, so past few days I been going to the mall and hanging out with my friend Debbie. Since Gary joined the gym, he has appointments and stuff to be at during the evenings, so I go along to walk the mall a bit. Yay fun.

But I havent been going to sleep early enough I guess, cos im just like... blah.... all day at work and shit. Im thinking that saturday I will just call it a sleep in day and then my catch up day is overwith since Sunday we go bowling.

Maybe I wont go to the mall today... hmm... i dont knoooow... decisions suck.

Tim broke up with me...

Donna's single... again...

end of story.

So it's sunday already. Been through a week of working at Tim Hortons, I kinda dont like it there. It's been stressful because of all the pressure they put on you to learn what your doing. It's really frustrating. Like customers expect you to know everything to do and all the foods you have right off the top of your head. What am I supposed to do if they say they want the Chili combo? I only started last monday, and they've been trying to get me into everything already and its like... slow down, i cant learn it all if im working so fast. Other than that it's not so bad to work there.

I took this sunday to myself. Normally we (Stacey, Gary and I) would go bowling with Tina, Brenda, Nicky and Grant, but Getting up at 5:30am each morning and not taking naps when i get home from work is really doing it to me, then saturdays I do stuff like this past saturday, I went to Tim's house and hung out til about 5:30pm, so i had to get up early. I figured i needed to sleep in a bit, so I stayed home today and could only sleep in till about 9. I've got some things to get done anyway, i needed to get my laundry done, clean up my room a bit, and relax a bit. So thats what im doing today.

Last friday i got my new pants in for work, I was wearing 12/13s which were like so baggy it wasnt even funny. So i talked to Jen (owner) and she ordered me some 10s. Got those in and tried them on, they're a bit big still but im not gonna have her change those in for any smaller because there's no point. They're not as bad as the others so im not gonna complain. Im rather happy with these. She had ordered some shirts for me too haha. I handed those back to her and told her I didnt need those, the shirts i had were just fine, thanked her and she took them back lol. She has some for a new person now, she was rather happy about that.

I think im gonna take a nice steamy bath this morning, and get all done up for nothing. Im in such a good mood right now. Prolly cos i got a bit more sleep than i have been :)

*sighs*

:) Happy Happy Happy :)

So I have been working at Tim Hortons for my second day so far... It's not too bad. The first day they had me sitting in the back room off the kitchen.... no heat... no supervision... watching for over 6 hours, boring videos on how to do shit at their restaurant. woo...
Today I did pretty much nearly everything... and the day went by SO SLOW! omg... but it was easy shit.

my legs hurt, i stood from 6:45am til 3pm with a 30 minute break to sit down and eat. w00t.

im tired.

xx

Today was the last day of me working at the museum, I was kinda sad to leave... I met so many cool people there, and I didn't really want to leave them behind, but I've gotta do what I've gotta do. Dave told me that if things didn't work out at Tim Horton's, he'd talk to Kathy (hiring lady) and get my job back. So I've got a backup plan.

Well, Stacey and I decided to actually spend some time together. After work we went to the store and I ended up buying lunch for the both of us... we watched some movie with the guy from Jackass in it, where hes in the special olympics... and then we started watching The Phantom of the Opera... before Gary called and said they were going to a movie. So... she turned the tv off and said she'd see me later, dinner was on my own... providing i could find anything in the house to eat.

I shoulda expected it.

Im done though, with thinking "oh maybe they'll change!!" because... they never have and they never will. They didn't even ask me if i wanted to go... Gary got home and Stacey was just like... good luck finding some food in the house, we're going out to eat. Bye.

I dont have enough money for the next week. She expects me to be able to pay my cell bill and live off my money til i get paid again... and It's not in the cards for me. I cant keep buying her lunch and then having to pay for my dinner whenever she decides to go and leave me alone again. I clean their house, and get nothing in return. I dont even get the respect I deserve. I dont know why I bother. This is complete bullshit, and they dont care.

I dont know why I live here. I cant believe how easily she can just say "See ya later" and take off just like that, leaving me here with absolutly nothing. Am I supposed to just starve? Would that make her happy?? She lectured me when she called me and asked if I'd eaten, and im not going to lie to her, I said, "yeah". She was like... what did you eat? And I told her I ordered out, she lectured me. What am i supposed to do? There's nothing here, and I mentioned it like five times before she had left. She didnt care... so what else is there for me to do?

Gah...

I quit.

So far so... not so good. I did get paid today, and enough to covor my half of the bill for my fone. But however I dont think that it's going to be completely paid... I dont think my sister has enough to pay her half... and i dont have enough money for remotely close to the full bill.

I was supposed to try and get my permit this week. Not happening.

My other sister... is a bitch. She got soooo pissed this morning that she stepped in water on the kitchen floor... Gary was over there and im assuming he was outside and tracked in some snow... big fucking deal. I do that when they're not home. But anyways, she freaked out, yelled and demanded that Gary go get her a glass of water. "Gary I dont have shoes on! you need to get me some water right now!"

Omg.. i wanted to slap her.

Its not like its the end of the world or anything, she could put on a new sock, and then put her shoes on... yes?
Ridiculous....
grrrr... i need a cappuchino.... dammit.

Yesterday musta been the 'everyone piss off donna' day. im serious.

I put up with a lot yesterday... between my parents freaking about my sister, my sister pissing me off with the fone bill, ect..

I really hope today doesnt turn out like that. I'd be extremely disappointed if that was the case.



Im getting so frustrated... really... Im getting so sick of Tina and stacey asking me how things are going with Rory... when really... I dont wanna talk about it... im not the least bit interested in him. As I've said before, hes a cool person to hang out with and a good guy, but hes not my type.
I told Tina and Stacey i wasnt interested in him and they both had ganged up on me and were like, "what is it about him that makes you uninterested? Is it his age???" really its not age, im just not interested. I dont look at him like that. I cant make myself have feelings for him if i dont have them already. I wanna just tell them to stop it, but I cant because I dont want anyone mad at me or disappointed in me, even though ultamitly it's up to me.
God i cant hear myself even think with these two kids next to me. GAAAHH! They're talking really loud and i cant just turn to them and be like "Shut the fuck up!"

grr...

I woke up this morning and felt SO SICK! omg. i had the worst headache ever too...

Im quite pissed at the moment though, have been most the day. How irrisponsible can people be? I mean really. My sister Laura, she told me that it would be fine to get a cell phone on her plan, that there would be no troubles or nothing. I called my father today to talk and he was VERY PISSED... wanna know about what?

Apparently my sister is just pissing her money away, giving no thought to anything... her car broke down when she got to her work today, she'd not been paying to get it fixed... AND the phone bill that we got this month... she cant pay her half... SO... my dad has to pay it all for her. I'm sorry, but she makes some good money at the place she works at, and for her not to be able to pay her bills is just stupid. Mine was about $150 this month because of my texting... and I figure, with the right planning, I can pay it no problem as long as It's the first thing I do when I get paid. It's complete bullshit that my father has to keep forking out money that he doesnt have (been unemployed for a bit, just started work with one company and hasnt been paid in over a month), to make sure that she doesnt get into trouble. It's bullshit. I feel very sorry for him.

My father has to pay for so much, and when he doesnt have money for anything... god it's gotta be so hard for him... then to have to pay for her stupid ass. Jesus.

im so frustrated. God!

Why am I surrounded by morons?!

.... stacey is talking about getting matching wristbands and doing her makeup like me....


im going CRAZY!


On the plus side; Only one week left til' im an official TIM HORTON'S Employee ;)

My legs are KILLING me... i went on a madd walking spree at the mall yesterday, and im regretting it today. but thats okay... I love love love the mall. :) Hot Topic is the shiz y'allz.
Im tired. Av gotta go to my moms today. My brother is CeleMaBrating his 16th birthday today, his real bday is 2moz tho. So moms throwing him a little shindigg... she never did that for me... but wotev. guess as the only boy he kinda deserves it.


She does the exact opposite of wot i tell her too i've noticed. I told her I wanted a 16th party but she said no, i told her i DIDNT want a grad. party and she gave me one... that nobody showed for.

Righto.

UK RULES!

I cant seem to come up with any Titles anymore for my blog enteries. hmm..

Im still tired... I went to sleep around eleven last night, but i feel like i didnt get any...

I also returned the other 4 pillows to my bed... i had over the summer, won some pillows at random games at fairs and stufs, so i got to playboy bunny pillows and two nemo pillows...

cooooooooooomfy.... mmmmm.....

i smell Crepes... w00t! the black guyzzzz workin today! :) Hes the coolest.

DESEREA DEER KILLER I MISSSS YOOOOU!!!

av got a giant fone bill to pay this mo. gahhhh... stupid txt msging.
gotta increase my text... i guess i went over by 500 this month, didnt realize i had... i guess i REALLY DO text a lot.

xx

I am so tired today... I went out last night to hang out with Rory... agian.

It was terrible. He's not playful at all, he's stubborn, he cant take a joke, he likes to hold grudges. He's just ridiculous. How am I supposed to have a good time hanging with him if he doesnt do anything or wont go along with anything? I really dislike him at this point, and I think that further attempts to get to know him are going to be thrown out the damn window. I tried to like him for my sister and Tina's happiness... but it's not gonna happen...

Is that your final answer?

Yes!

Am not gna concentrate on guys like I told myself anyway, I wanna save some money, so im gonna concentrate on work. I kinda miss having a boyfriend though, found out this morning when I got home (1am) that Matt is getting jealous that I am hanging out with other guys. Big deal. He'll get over it. It's like, he texts me at 1am and asks what Im up to, so I tell him "On The way home from a friends house" then he automatically assumes, a guy. So yea... then he's like, "I didnt think you'd move on so fast"

Well, What am I gonna do? You Dumped me you dipshit. and If I remember correctly, it was for your ex whom you miss so damn much... lol... whatev. Not worth getting back into.

I am so sick of people and their constant demands. Adults I see nowadays are just like the children I see in the museum, "Mommy! I want Orange soda, not Pepsi!" or "I want Pizza instead of Taco Bell!" God damn they are so annoying. I dont know how the hell I make it in life right now, I wanna smack sooo many people. Just for being like that, it's like nothings good enough for them. it's always gotta be better.

Im hoping that with the new job I have, I'll be able to afford more things, and be able to put money away for once. Im not sure what I wanna do with my life, but I know I've got some biiig plans to make. If I tell my family anything they'll always criticize me and tell me shit like, "you can't do that!" or "Your stupid for thinking about it!" ughhhhh.....................

whatev.

Been talking to random guys on Facebox.com... some of them are so full of themselves... seriously.

Check this out:

Robert says (4:20 PM):
oh i got a true story for u
Robert says (4:20 PM):
some girl from the antartic asked me out i said honey id be afrain ud melt when u got here
Robert says (4:20 PM):
lol
Donna says (4:21 PM):
erm... mealt from wot exactly?
Robert says (4:21 PM):
well the sun and my presence
Donna says (4:21 PM):
your presence is enough to scare away 10 baby monkeys AND their mothers



So yep.... cocky people suck.

I like being me, because being me means having fun with life.

MY SISTER IS BECOMING ME! LIKE EXACTLY LIKE ME!


I cant stand this, she's getting shoes like me and shes changing the laces just like me cos i have one white and one black. She did one black one red. -.-

shes shopping at Hot Topic like me! gah!!! shes driving me nuts!

and now shes running around singing MY CHECMICAL ROMANCE just like ME!

Shes even begun to use my words and everything. its not fun being me anymore.... i cant be.. me... i cant... impossible...


GRR!

So i got the job at Tim Hortons, it's fulltime work monday-friday 7am -3pm. not bad. and I have my rides figured out. Also today's gona be a good day for me i think... i uhhhh... got a free cappuchino because when i went to get one from Simply Crepes, the machine hadnt been turned on, they decided since the owner turned off the machine last night he could afford to pay for my cappuchino. lol. It was lovely. AND I GET TO PUT IN MY TWO WEEKS!:D :D :D :D :D :D

I hate the museum...

Tim Hortons gives me free cappuchino's and fountain drinks...

Biznaches.

Today was so boring at work. Hardly anyone showed and so I was just standing there for an hour or so... waiting... patiently for people to make a mess.
More people are leaving the museum in the food court because of how stupid things are getting... Alexis pointed out last week to Maria (one of the managers) that people there are stupid if they DON'T leave because things are getting just ridiculous. I've noticed the hours cut back and everything, and really she does have a point, It's dumb to work at a place you can barely afford to feed yourself and your kid at. We really don't get paid enough for what we have to do, and put up with. Our time is most definitely worth more money.
I got a job interview at my most favourite coffee place! TIM HORTONS! :) I'm excited... i applied for fulltime and everything, messed up my application real bad, BUT... I still managed to get an interview, so maybe I'll be able to clear a few things up on my application while there. It's at 2:30pm tomorrow afternoon... As much as I didn't want another job in Food Service, I think it may just be better than the museum. I'll probably be able to get more hours and have more to do... it's right on the bus line if i need to get there and home no problem...

Ohhh... I finally hung out with that 27yr old that my sis wants to hook me up with... he's a pretty cool guy. But i'm just not interested. I tried telling her that and she's like "Well, you can still date him Donna. You don't even really know him yet... just see where things take you guys." and im like, Well, Stacey, besides he being out of my age range, i'm not interested. Then she'd get pissed because "Your not giving him a chance!"
Im going to his place tonight (he lives with his parents still), we're watching a movie... he says his place is actually warmer than 60 degrees... so i'll hold him to it. :)