I've completely lost my voice now. I have been having something wrong with my throat for a week now and my voice has been going in and out so much, and tonight its gone... completely. The last thing i said was, "stacey, you realize you just told the cat he was hott?" laughed and told her to go to bed.

She was drunk when she got home.

So I got the papers for Medicaid.... and wholy shit is there a lot of papers. -.- i dont feel like doing that much work for health insurance. but i gotta i guess...

i hate this shit.

Matt broke up with me today. He STILL has feelings for Nichole. I am so sick of that shit. After all she did to him, he still misses her. Whatever. I'm over it.

I get my monday's back at work now at least.

I reloaded XP on my computer today. Got all my stuff back minus Rhapsody, I still gotta do that and get Unreal Tournament. My dad been bugging me to get it back on there. I have been putting music on my computer since this morning... it's crazy. I still have madd cd's to put on.

I finished reading the drivers manuel finally. Im thinking about when I should go get my permit, maybe next week like friday or something... But I need new shoes. I Cant do both with my pay check... and i really need new sneakers for work. Soooo maybe I should go get the sneakers, maybe the permit can wait? Idk....

'Nsync rocks....


Don't deny it.

Boston is out AND i figured out what it was I wanted to go to school for, VISUAL COMMUNICATIONS!

AIU helped me figure that out. I want to move around where my parents live, somewhere by Dansville or Nunda/Mt. Morris. Take my online classes, and work. AIU is definitly cheaper than Boston, and I can have my own schedule to work by, and i can start while i live here with my sister, next time I can enter classes is February 11th, which gives me enough time since my FAFSA is already filled out.

I think I just may have it this time :)

xx

I'm so tired, but i wanna write a blog before I go to bed... not written one in a few days.

Updates... On the 31st i posted about my grandmother, she got out of the hospital either late night on the 1st of Jan or the 2nd some time.

I went bowling with Matt... it was real fun, his family is pretty cool as well. I met his parents, sister and her fiancee, i think his grandparents, and there were like maybe three others. I beat Matt in the first game, the second i did worse, i didn't make it past 60 i think in either game.

Matt asked me to be his girlfriend on the 1st... fun fun. It's been interesting so far.



I have been listening to the Backstreet Boys for like hours today... god i love them lol. "I still feel you like im right here beside you, i still hear no word from yooou"

So, my grandma is gonna be in the hospital all new years weekend. :(

she wants to be home. :'(

i hate what she's going through. every time you turn around she's back in for something. it's getting bad. I just want her to be okay. I cant have fun this weekend, i feel so bad for her. I dont know.... :(

Happy New Years everyone.

My mom called me a bit earlier and told me that my grandma just went back to the hospital. She said that last she heard my grandma had an irregular heart beat... that was the update from yesterday, we've not heard anything about today.

Im really worried... last time my grandma gone to the hospital, she said that the next time she goes in she doesnt think she's coming back.

Idk, its killing me because I dont want anything to happen to her, but i cant do anything to help her...

but im gonna anyway.

 

So, Im not sure that I'll be on til January after tomorrow. Tomorrow being friday, I go to work and go home, get some things together and saturday afternoon i go to my parents house. I have to hang with my fam. saturday, sunday i go bowling with the guy im seeing now and ring in the new years. Fun fun.

I cant believe how fast this year has passed!! I was graduating high school just a few months ago, and now, here I am living in the city, working a job that i HATE to pass time, and preparing for september so I can get off to college. It's crazy how fast time passes. I feel like a year has gone by and I've not accomplished much, a highschool diploma and a job is all I've got. To me, i think that's pretty sad. Though there's not much else I can do.

I am patiently waiting for the Simply CREEPS lady to freakin leave so that I can get the black guy to make me a cappuchino... he makes them the best I ever had, while she makes hers more like Coffee with tons of milk in it. I hate that. then she gives the attitude too when you ask for certain things, as if to say, "I dont make anything right do I?"... and thats when I wanna say, "YOU CANT MAKE CAPPUCHINO WORTH SHIT!" haha... and walk away. hehe...

fun fun. lol.

xx

So Christmas was going good...

I was at my parents house, happy, nothing going wrong whatsoever. I got the coat I was dying for and some cool clothes and other little things. We had to leave at like 1pm because Stacey and Gary had plans at their parents house. I figured that I wasnt to go since it wasnt my family, but Stacey made me go... so im sitting alone at their house when they open presents upstairs, and im being bitten up by the dog... I have all these damn marks over my arms and everything, and I have a headache, Its not my family (therefore Im not being included in things) and I just want to be with my family.

I politely ask Stacey if I could be taken home so that I dont interfere with things going on, and she takes it to an extreme. WTF!

So then she goes to Gary, pulls him aside and says, You need to take Donna home because she doesnt want to be here. So he gets his coat, and a few people ask, Where ya going Gary? He said, Donna's got a friend coming over to the house, she needs to be there. So then everyone's like, Oh, Donna's leaving? And Stacey and GRANT! His little skinny ass shithead brother decide to start in and be like, "Yeah, she doesnt like us, she doesnt want to be here with us having a good time." They completely humiliated me!  It wasnt that reason at all! I didnt fit in there. It's not my family.

I walked by Grant and said, Thanks for the attitude, and Stacey yelled at me, saying, DOnt talk to him like that, he's not your brother!


Im so sick of it. I cant wait to leave for college.

Went out last night and had a blast... again lol. Went to my ex's house and we  watched movies all damn night and went to Walmart to do some food shopping. --walmart at 4am ROCKS!-- i didnt go home til 8am lol, my parents were pissed. had a blast though... hes adorable.

I am very wowed right now.

I met a guy on myspace from Boston, he was in the area and though its not all that smart of me, i went and met up with him so i could have something to do...

this guy is... AMAZING!

He's cute, funny, he ISNT all about sex, he talks about real shit like ozone layer and shit... hes very interesting. We hung out from 8pm til like... just a few minutes ago (like 1am-ish)... hes around til the 7th of January, so we're gonna hang out a bit after im back from Xmas at my Parents.

EXCITING!

I never had so much fun just talking and walking the streets of Roc.... also... I SAW A HIGHSPEED CHASE! This guy had like 8-10 cops chasing him, no joke! IT WAS SICK! I wonder wot the guy did.

lovely evening :)

xx

Donna H: >:D< :-* :x :"> 8->
vincentranok2: :P lol, why don't you just hop on my lap already?
Donna H: bkos they dont have an emoticon for that... :(

Know what...

I'm just emo. I mean it. Bad or good, I'm emo. haha. Though I bet everyone knows that anyway. I just feel so depressed today.

I cant wait to go to Boston.

*Listening to Nick Lachey - Whats Left Of Me*

Ughhh... this morning sucks today. I woke up at 7:30 this morning, and I am sitting at the library waiting for 10 to roll around. I dont have to be to work until 10:30 today. They finally put me in Pizza Hut this week, tuesday and thursday. The rest of the days im stuck out in the dining room cleaning. It's no fun. Im looking for a new job, I saw a pretty good one available for Red Cross, i applied for it already, just waiting to hear back... if im lucky. Bet a couple hundred people already applied for it, it was a good paying job, about $10.50 an hour starting pay.

Things with Ron have been getting better too, he's been off my back about the whole breakup and we're working on the whole "being friends" thing. Hes pretty calm about it all now, and hes not calling me every second of the day crying. So... yea, and we been talking less but getting along more... woo! Score there! lol.

Im tired. Blaaaaah... I havent been getting sleep lately, i go to sleep and wake up every hour of the night... i just cant sleep like i used to :( It sucks.

WELL... off to find something to do with my time.

i was dragged to a gathering i guess it was, no one there my age. Either they were in their 50s or they were 10-13 yrz old. The kids went outside to play and i hung around inside with the adults. THESE PEOPLE ARE SICK! They were talking about how much they love their husbands having TONGUE RINGS for a specific purpose if you know what i mean. Like i wanna know what they do with their sex life...

Gross...

Disgusting...

YUCK!

ANd then to make it worse, my sister talked about things her and GARY do!

Im scarred...

Hello, my name is Basmati Kasaar. I am suffering from rare and deadly diseases, poor scores on final exams, extreme virginity, fear of being kidnapped and executed by anal electrocution, and guilt for not  forwarding out 50 billion fucking chain letters sent to me by people who actually believe that if you send them on, then  that poor 6 year old girl in  Arkansas with a breast on her forehead will be able to raise enough money to have it removed before her redneck parents sell her off to the traveling freak show.
> > > > >
> > > > >  Do you honestly believe that Bill Gates is going to give you and  everyone you send "his" e-mail to $1000?  How stupid are you?  Ooooh, lookyhere!  If I scroll down this page and  make a wish, I'll  get laid by every Playboy model in the magazine! What a bunch of  bullshit. So basically, this message is a big FUCK YOU to all the people out there who have nothing better to do than to send me stupid chain mail forwards.  Maybe the evil chain letter leprechauns will come into my apartment and sodomize me in my sleep for not  continuing the chain which was started by Jesus in 5 A.D. and was brought to this country by midget  pilgrims  on the Mayflower and if it makes it to the year 2000, it'll be in the  Guinness Book of World Records for longest continuous streak of blatant  stupidity. Fuck them.
> > > > >
> > > > >  If you're going to forward something, at least
> > > > send me something
> > > > >  mildly amusing. I've seen all the "send this to
> > > > 50 of your closest
> > > > >  friends,
> > > > >  and this poor, wretched excuse for a human
> > > being
> > > > will somehow receive a
> > > > >  nickel from some omniscient being" forwards
> > > about
> > > > 90 times. I don't
> > > > >  fucking
> > > > >  care. Show a little intelligence and think
> > > about
> > > > what you're actually
> > > > >  contributing to by sending out forwards.
> > > Chances
> > > > are it's your own
> > > > >  unpopularity.
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > > >  THE FOUR BASIC TYPES OF CHAIN LETTERS:
> > > > >  Chain Letter Type 1:
> > > > >
> > > > >  (scroll down)
> > > > >
> > > > >  Make a wish!!!
> > > > >
> > > > >  No, really, go on and make one!!!
> > > > >
> > > > >  Please, they'll never go out with you!!!
> > > > >
> > > > >  Wish something else!!!
> > > > >
> > > > >  Not that, you pervert!!
> > > > >
> > > > >  Is your finger getting tired yet?
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > > >  STOP!!!!
> > > > >  Wasn't that fun? :)
> > > > >
> > > > >  Hope you made a great wish :)
> > > > >  Now, to make you feel guilty, here's what I'll
> > > > do. First of all, if
> > > > >  you don't send this to 5096 people in the next
> > > 5
> > > > seconds, you will be
> > > > >  raped by  a mad goat and thrown off a high
> > > > building into a pile of
> > > > >  manure. It's
> > > > >  true!   Because, THIS letter isn't like all of
> > > > those fake ones, THIS one
> > > > >  is
> > > > >  TRUE!!
> > > > >  Really!!!  Here's how it goes:
> > > > >
> > > > >  *Send this to 1 person: One person will be
> > > pissed
> > > > off at you for
> > > > >  sending them a stupid chain letter.
> > > > >
> > > > >  *Send this to 2-5 people: 2-5 people will be
> > > > pissed off at you for
> > > > >  sending them a stupid chain letter.
> > > > >
> > > > >  *Send this to 5-10 people: 5-10 people will be
> > > > pissed off at you
> > > > >  for sending them a stupid chain letter, and may
> > > > form a plot on your
> > > > >life.
> > > > >
> > > > >  *Send this to 10-20 people: 10-20 people will
> > > be
> > > > pissed off at you
> > > > >  for sending them a stupid chain letter and will
> > > > napalm your house.
> > > > >  Thanks!!!!
> > > > >
> > > > >  Good Luck!!!
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > > >  Chain Letter Type 2
> > > > >
> > > > >  Hello, and thank you for reading this letter.
> > > You
> > > > see, there is a
> > > > >  starving
> > > > >  little boy in Baklaliviatatlaglooshen who has
> > > no
> > > > arms, no legs, no
> > > > >  parents,
> > > > >  and no goats. This little boy's life could be
> > > > saved, because for every
> > > > >  time
> > > > >  you pass this on, a dollar will be donated to
> > > the
> > > > Little Starving
> > > > >Legless
> > > > >  Armless Goatless Boy from
> > > Baklaliviatatlaglooshen
> > > > Fund. Oh, and
> > > > >remember,
> > > > >  we have absolutely no way of counting the
> > > e-mails
> > > > sent and this is all
> > > > >  a complete load of bullshit. So go on, reach
> > > out.
> > > > Send this to 5
> > > > >  people in the next 47 seconds. Oh, and a
> > > reminder
> > > > - if you accidentally
> > > > >  send this
> > > > >  to 4  or 6 people, you will die instantly.
> > > > >
> > > > >  Thanks again!!
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > > >  Chain Letter Type 3
> > > > >
> > > > >  Hi there!! This chain letter has been in
> > > > existence since 1897. This
> > > > >  is absolutely incredible because there was no
> > > > e-mail then and probably
> > > > >  not as many sad pricks with nothing better to
> > > do.
> > > > So this is how it
> > > > >  works:
> > > > >  Pass this on to 15,067  people in the next 7
> > > > minutes or something
> > > > >  horrible
> > > > >  will happen to you like:
> > > > >  *Bizarre Horror Story #1
> > > > >  Miranda Pinsley was walking home from school on
> > > > Saturday. She had
> > > > >  recently received this letter and ignored it.
> > > She
> > > > then tripped in a
> > > > >crack
> > > > >  in
> > > > >  the sidewalk, fell into the sewer, was gushed
> > > > down a drainpipe in a
> > > > >  flood of poopie, and went flying out over a
> > > > Waterfall. Not only did she
> > > > >  smell
> > > > >  nasty, she died. This Could Happen To You!!!
> > > > >
> > > > >  *Bizarre Horror Story #2
> > > > >  Dexter Bip, a 13 year old boy, got a chain
> > > letter
> > > > in his mail and
> > > > >  ignored it. Later that day, he was hit by a car
> > > > and so was his boyfriend
> > > > >  (hey, some people swing that way). They both
> > > died
> > > > and went to hell and
> > > > >  were
> > > > >  cursed to eat adorable kittens every day for
> > > > eternity. This Could Happen
> > > > >  To
> > > > >  You Too!!!
> > > > >
> > > > >  Remember, you could end up just like Pinsley
> > > and
> > > > Bip. Just send this
> > > > >  letter to all of your loser friends, and
> > > > everything will be okay.
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > > >  Chain Letter Type 4:
> > > > >  As if you care, here is a poem that I wrote.
> > > > Send it to every one
> > > > >  of your friends.
> > > > >
> > > > >  Friends
> > > > >  A friend is someone who is always at your side.
> > > > >  A friend is someone who likes you even though
> > > you
> > > > stink of shit,
> > > > >  and your breath smells like you've been eating
> > > > cat food,
> > > > >  A friend is someone who likes you even though
> > > > you're as ugly as a
> > > > >  hat full of assholes,
> > > > >  A friend is someone who cleans up for you after
> > > > you've soiled yourself,
> > > > >  A friend is someone who stays with you all
> > > night
> > > > while you cry about
> > > > >  your sad, sad life,
> > > > >  A friend is someone who pretends they like you
> > > > when they really
> > > > >  think you should be raped by mad goats, then
> > > > thrown to vicious dogs,
> > > > >  A friend is someone who scrubs your toilet,
> > > > vacuums and then gets
> > > > >  the check and leaves and doesn't speak much
> > > > English...-no, sorry that's
> > > > >  the cleaning lady,
> > > > >  A friend is not someone who sends you chain
> > > > letters because he wants
> > > > >  his wish of being rich to come true.
> > > > >
> > > > >  Now pass this on! If you don't, you'll never
> > > have
> > > > sex ever again.
> > > > >
> > > > >  The point being?
> > > > >  If you get some chain letter that's threatening
> > > > to leave you
> > > > >  shagless or lckless for the rest of your life,
> > > > delete it. If it's funny,
> > > > >  send
> > > > >  it on.
> > > > >  Don't piss people off by making them feel
> > > guilty
> > > > about a leper in
> > > > >  Botswana with no teeth, who's been tied to a
> > > dead
> > > > elephant for 27 years,
> > > > >  whose only savior is the 5 cents per letter
> > > he'll
> > > > receive
> > > > >  if you forward this mail, otherwise you'll end
> > > up
> > > > like Miranda. Right?
> > > > >
> > > > >  Now forward this to everyone you know otherwise
> > > > you'll find all your
> > > > >  panties or shorts missing tomorrow morning. >>

Ron constantly calls me asking why I cant change my feelings, why i cant think about all the good times we've had and everything... Every call makes me more miserable, every time Mel tells me "hes not getting any better" it makes me feel even more like shit because i know that Im the one that made him miserable. I dont understand what the hell im supposed to do anymore! Its like, I talked to Mel, and this is what happened:

Mel: You he wont get better
Donna: he will, he has to
Mel: e does but he wont
Donna: i do something i feel is right, and for that its like punishment
Donna: i dont know what the hell to do anymore
Donna: im just so sick of life these days, nothing is ever simple, nothing ever happens without something else bad happening afterwards
Donna: if i didnt break up with him then i'd be lying to him and be unhappy, and now that i have broken up with him i cant be happy because i just see him and stay miserable because he is
Donna: i want him to let me go, i feel like shooting myself for doing that because every single moment he talks to me hes trying to find a way for me to change my mind, and it just cant happen like that, i cant snap my fingers and change my feelings
Donna: i hate this fucking world
Mel: Yeah


I dont know anymore... Its killing me to know that i made him miserable...

So Ron came over today, we talked a bit, hung out, watched a bit of "On The Line"... had a few laughs... hes obviously still upset about it, but I'm glad that i didn't just abandon him like everyone else would. He needs someone to talk to, and when he's at home, he doesn't really have anyone to talk to because they either pick on him or change the subject... so, even though we're not together and its not a good idea to be hanging out much at the moment... I'm glad that i can be there for him, even though i  did the breaking up.  We're getting along much better now. We don't argue anymore, and I feel like things could be getting better for us, like the boyfriend/girlfriend relationship really wasn't for us. 

We agreed that we'd be talking and hanging out still, we'd be friends. I'm glad that he agreed to that. He says he wants me in his life, and he's not a bad person, he's a good friend, and trustworthy... just a bit immature and irrisponsible... I can deal with it as a friend, not as a girlfriend. So, hopefully we stay getting along and everything.

Oye! *Smacks forehead*

I realized how expensive Fisher College is today,  its nearly $30,000.00/year (I'm pretty sure, or maybe thats per semester?!) Either way its soo expensive, I am waiting to find out how much I can get in Financial Assistance before I make my decision on this college 100%. I've not seen much cheaper though actually, considering I haven't taken SAT's and I don't have grades good enough for Universities.

Well, peace y'allz!!

I do believe that its a go for the whole College in Boston thing... I am excited that I am gonna be doing something with my life now. :) Maybe i can find better work out there. Oh and my sister Laura is going to go to college too out that way, shes going to some college in Providence, Rhode Island! So we can see eachother on weekends.  Its not all planned out but i think that were going in spring (march-ish).

So about an hour ago I got off the phone with Ron, broke up with him once and for all... i feel like such an asshole though... i hate these things.

To make me feel worse he showed up at my house with a rose, crying. I feel soooo bad... but in the end he and i will both be happier... i hope so at least. So, thats all for the events today...

My boss promised me a raise in the new year, and i got a letter today saying that my payraise wasnt happening! Fucking shit! I do so much shit around the fucking museum, on top of that i do favors for fucking everyone, i cut my breaks short to make sure i do a great fucking job for everyone! I only get 10 minute breaks! THIS IS SHIT! Im finding another job and quitting, them cunts can do their shitty work themselves... its bad enough that we do all that work for shitty pay.